Two steps forward, one step back... Three steps forward, two steps back... Four, Five, Six... and one, two *tests* for a step or two, back?

Do you know this experience?

I had a test come at me last night, just like this, and it wasn't fun.

I've finally produced a very nice information piece that I will be sharing momentarily... and I shared about that -- that is, I went public with that fact -- on my Facebook page last night.

And then... I swear, it was like the demons came out of the crevices of my past, to haunt me in the night. I can't believe it really.

But... and... I realize as I write this, that too, needs love. That too, needs transformation... that too... needs the light of my *current* consciousness, the light of NOW, to transform and heal -- it -- too.

Ugly really.

But, it is true.

It is very personal, what came out of my memory last night, so I won't share details here. But suffice it to say, it was old memory from long long ago, of some really sad things, that happened to me. It was all so safely tucked away in my memory. It wasn't new just now, but it was a LONG time since I thought of it, and, it was really not nice to re-feel and walk through it all again last night.

BUT. We must do just that, sometimes. And maybe that is why I'm writing this, to you and ME! It was REALLY important that I walked down that memory lane last night... BECAUSE, I AM, moving forward. 

You know? It's like when you're moving houses, there's a LOT of stuff you "clean out" (hopefully!)... to make the move easier... lighten your load... and also... most importantly, because many things do not belong anymore. Many things are just... of your past, and you need to let them go. Many things are just, old. No longer appropriate to keep with you anymore... Memories that need to be "unleashed" so that the energy of YOU is truly, from the deepest places in you, really free... sometimes THAT is most important... no matter how hard it is, to do it. 

So. I suppose, and I can see, as I write THIS, that in fact, that was the case for me, last night.

I took a bold step, sharing publicly, that I am coming forth with my writing, with an information piece that puts SO much into place for me. I was, in fact, working ON that very piece -- writing about teaching people how to redirect their attention to solve their needs -- when this all surfaced, in me. Ironic, eh? But actually, perfect.

I guess I needed some re-directing myself! Because that is exactly what happened, as I unearthed some very unpleasant memory... so that... (I believe)... I COULD, move on... so that I could, continue with the very steps forward, that I'm in the midst of creating, now. 

Sometimes. 

We have to LET GO of old energy... to allow that very OLD energy, to become something new... to be *available* to Grow Anew! To grow OUR new... THAT is a HUGE part of this whole game... Letting go... in order, to evolve and move up the ladder of our own potential... TO, embrace creative potentials, creative opportunities and creative OPTIONS that we never would have even THOUGHT OF, from our OLD place of BEING.

Hm. Wow. So. There it IS. THAT is why... all that old memory of times SO long ago, came surfaced back in my body and my mind, as I sat here writing, last night. 

There was an unravel occurring... and I needed that unravel, in order to IN FACT carry ON with the very "forward motion" and bold action I announced is coming out now -- to present my writing and the work I've come to share with this world... more!

The old shit (gotta say!) -- the energy held up IN the old memory -- it needed to go, it NEEDED to be let out of me... and, set free. It needed to come out, so that, I could continue in my forward path... and, move on.

So. Now I can see, that was icky and hard, but WOW did I need it?!! I acknowledge and give thanks now... because IT IS TIME... to let that old energy GO. From this place in time, I can see far more *why* it all happened... and I am MOST GRATEFUL that I am here, now. And I simply say, Thank you God... for saving ME. And thank you ME, for hanging on, and growing into, ME. 

Painful times DO happen... and time... with time, we find that those painful experiences somehow resurface (at just the right time) to let US go... to let US be set free, from the past where those things lived in us... a past where part of us was actually very much held up, IN the old. 

We have the option... when the old resurfaces... to let go, AND IN SO, reclaim the ENERGY of ME that was being held-up IN that old place. Like cleaning out a storage room... you let go of old stuff and create OPEN SPACE that's now available... for YOU... and what you WANT NOW, anew.

So I say Thank you. As hard as that is. I am grateful for the peace I get to GAIN, by seeing it all now, and letting it all go. Just let it go. It had a reason, and THAT is now LONG gone in the past. It did not get YOU... You are here and now... and THAT is what matters MOST!! You made it to HERE... and now, you CAN, move forward!

Life awaits. Space is cleared. And I... continue to grow, forward!

Have you ever realized how much YOUR OWN THOUGHTS might be holding you back?

Well... I have!

And... I am SO GRATEFUL to feel FREEDOM... from THAT!

This week, I made a BIG decision that had been weighing on me for LONG time... and... actually, it all had been set in motion YEARS ago.

I had to choose, my path forward.

And I chose. Hope. I could *feel* with weightedness, how much there had been a "destiny" created for me... that I too was part of creating... for YEARS in the making. But when I reached THIS place... the ME of NOW... that "destiny" that was "arriving into my now" was no longer, MY choosing.

Strange, I know it may sound... but I chose my way FREE. I chose my way OUT of the plan that a younger, less evolved, more desperate ME, had created... That plan took FOREVER to finally come into place... and in the time it took to get here... I GREW. Yes. I grew. The WOMAN of me, was created... the WOMAN was grown into place... and from THIS place... that old dream... that old desire... that HUGE dream and desire... no longer held ground, no longer was the *dream* for ME, the ME of NOW.

It goes without saying that... we ALL are creating our future. Our choices, and our desires that DRIVE our choices, are creating our "next." We choose our way through life. That IS the truth... and... I had been choosing my way to a very specific outcome that I had LONGED for... FOREVER.

And that, involved a MAN... and a LOVE... that I thought would only be IN my life, in one certain way.

Well... this story... it’s actually part of a much bigger story... that needs to be written and shared... for I believe that MANY of us, in fact... create FROM our "undercurrents" of desire. We don't "know" we're doing that, but we ARE. Very much so!!

To NOT do that... to choose from our CONSCIOUS desires… is a MAJOR KEY... to FREEDOM!!! Real and true, freedom.

And how do we do that? We get CONSCIOUS about what's driving us, what IS under the surface? What IS really driving us, in our choices? Is it really ME, and what I actually want for me... OR, is it something deeply unrealized IN me that isn’t even relevant anymore… like an ancient OLD tie to something long gone and long ago that's no longer even desired by ME, the me of today?

Instead of choosing from our UNconscious desires, that may NOT be aligned with who we really are, or want to be now, what about choosing from CURRENT time, from our current “ME of NOW?” THAT could open a whole NEW world!!  

So... long story short... I’ve been making headway in this story. I have been being CONSCIOUS of the "desires"  and undercurrents driving me… and choosing for ME. The real true ME, of TODAY. Not the old me, of long long ago that I've grown out of... but the GROWN me... the ME that has evolved, and become THIS WOMAN that I am, today.

It's a very challenging walk, I'll tell you. Navigating the currents -- within! We all have them... I suppose it's only a matter of looking inside, taking the time and energy, to become SUPER conscious of what IS inside, driving our choices... and becoming SUPER conscious IN making choices that actually ALIGN WITH what is NOW. Not what aligns with a fairy tale of yesterday, or a long old forgotten idea of what you thought you might have wanted long long ago... But choosing based on the real NOW, what is NOW your heart's TRUE calling and desire, for the life you want NOW.

Choice creates our reality. And every single moment, we are choosing. All of THAT adds up to... creating the EXACT time and place you are in, at ANY given, time or place, NOW. Think about it... it's not rocket science. The possibilities are endless... AND, it’s SO simple: CHOICE makes the world go round!

SO... choose. And better yet… get conscious about what you ARE choosing... and realize... all of THAT... is creating your life, right now. Today.

I LOVE that we CAN choose. THANK GOD FOR THAT!!! And... I pray, that we ALL get more CONSCIOUS, awake, and aware OF our choices... each and every day!

Here's to... Our Freedom… real, true FREEDOM, on the inside... leading our way ~ forward!